Q and A with Oscar Mairs Part 2

Oscar Mairs
Question asked by a fan.

What is your best advice for moving on from an ex?

I could offer you some useless platitude, like hey; “time heals all wounds” or “there’s plenty more fish in the sea.” But I know you dont give a shit about the other fish in the sea right now, nor can I expect you to imagine that father time will release you soon enough from your anguish and yearning. Instead of reciting dry clichés like a bandaid solution to open-heart surgery, I am going to try to offer an alternative for you. I have suffered just like you and learned my own lessons the hard way, learn from my mistakes.

My best advice would be to find a distraction. Now there are two types of distraction, the healthy and the unhealthy. The unhealthy distraction is that which attempts to temporarily fill that void inside you. These take the form of pleasure, be that drug use, meaningless sex or anything else which offers a temporary reprieve from the bitterness and disappointment of reality. You can indulge in these distractions, but you will find that they dig you deeper into your rut. Moreover, becoming a slave to pleasure and your desires is the first tangible symptom of addiction. Addiction will only serve to perpetuate your pain.

In this world you have to save your own life, so choose a healthy distraction. A healthy distraction takes the form of a meaningful pursuit which is a productive step in the right direction of actualising your hopes and dreams. No dream is too laughable, too obscure or bizarre. Keep your dreams to yourself, but develop a strategy for seeing them realised. When you immerse yourself in the pursuit, consumed by the work, you are blind to your pain and even that which is going on around you. You simply must cultivate tunnel vision. If you have a goal, it must be achieved. No matter what. Personal development is the escape, it is the tool which rescues you from fear, doubt and depression. The benefits are twofold, not only does the distraction dilute the pain, visible personal development makes you an attractive prospect to others. When you become an attractive prospect to others, you are spoilt for choice in who can fill the void your ex left.

More importantly though, you have learned the most important tool of all in life. You have learned how to be self-sufficient in your happiness. You don’t even need a replacement for your ex anymore, you dont need anyone else in your life. Why? Because you have pride in your abilities, you have pride in your capacity to battle hardship and triumph. So fuck those shackles of disillusionment off your back, go out and get your own. Chase your dreams and live them. Power to you my friend.

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